


Babysitting Blues

by orphan_account



Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Family Bonding, Gen, Number Five | The Boy Has Issues, Other, Self-Doubt, Self-Hatred
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-04
Updated: 2020-04-04
Packaged: 2021-02-28 22:40:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,356
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23474791
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Five is given the task to babysit his niece for an evening, but he finds himself worrying as he is doubtful that he would make a good uncle for Claire. When the fatal day arrives, he learns that Claire is much different than he expected.
Relationships: Claire & Number Five | The Boy (Umbrella Academy), Dolores & Number Five | The Boy (Umbrella Academy), Number Five | The Boy & Allison Hargreeves, Number Five | The Boy & Vanya Hargreeves
Comments: 11
Kudos: 106





	Babysitting Blues

“Please, Five, you’re the only one who’s available tomorrow evening!” Allison pleaded, following her brother into his small bedroom. She leaned against the doorway, crossing her arms. “You promised!” 

Five scoffed taking a swig of the lukewarm coffee from his stained mug, clearly not in the mood for his sister’s incessant pestering. 

“I just don’t have time to do it, is all. Honest,” he said gazing out his bedroom window. “There’s a lot that needs to be done around here. Plus, didn’t you guys say that I should enroll for fall classes? If you guys  _ want _ me to fit in as “regular teenager”, I’d suggest—“

“Stop changing the subject, Five!” Allison barked. “It’s only for a few hours!” She drummed on her arm impatiently, sorry she ever decided to ask her stubborn little asswipe of a brother for this favour. 

Five averted eye contact with Allison’s fiery gaze. Though she had sworn off using her power, she was still a master in the art of pressuring others to do what she wanted, when she wanted, just by flashing them this look that made their insides boil. She was able to secure a numerous amount of free rides to the mall from Diego as a teenager, every time she employed this technique and she would gladly do it again.

“So? why can’t Vanya do it?” Five exclaimed, throwing his hand up in frustration. “She likes her a lot better anyway. Don’t they have cutesey fun finger painting parties or something?” 

“Five, We’ve been through this. Vanya is teaching tomorrow evening. Luther is filing for insurance, Diego is going to his anger management group therapy thing and Klaus?” She paused, trying to remember. “He told me he is doing some “remodelling” or something,” 

Five wrinkled his nose. “Remodelling for what?”

”It’s a surprise, apparently,” Allison said wryly, pinching the bridge of her nose, knowing exactly what to expect from one of Klaus's little surprises. “But that’s besides the point! What are  _ you _ doing that’s so important tomorrow evening anyway?” 

Five hesitated for a moment before shoving his free hand into the pocket of his shorts, brows furrowing in thought. 

“Hot date.”

The two siblings shot a glance at Dolores, who was propped neatly up at Five’s desk, glossy eyes staring off into nothing, yet everything simultaneously. 

  
  


“You’re her uncle, Five!” she whined, “I’ll never ask you for anything again! And just the other day you said you wanted to meet Claire! Don’t you want to see her too? She talks about you as much as she talks about Luther!”

Of course he wanted to be there for Claire. What he wanted more than anything in the world was to finally meet his only niece, especially given that he was the only sibling who never had the opportunity to do so, and never would have imagined that he would ever get one in his lifetime. 

“Well that goes without saying! But-“ 

“Great! I’ll drop her off here by five o’clock and then I’ll be back for her by midnight!” she said almost  _ too _ cheerfully. Her hour-long argument with her brother was taking a toll on her. 

“But Allison,” Five started, his voice raising along with his blood pressure. “I don’t know how to communicate with children! Hell, I hardly was one myself. What if she thinks I’m too bizarre and she becomes uncomfortable with my presence!”

Allison scoffed, as her arms dropped to her sides, unable to contain a grin. “You have to remember that Klaus thought summoning ghosts with an ouija board was an appropriate pastime for my two-year-old daughter. I think you’ll be fine.”

Five smirked at the memory, remembering how distraught Klaus was for making such a mess that day. All he wanted was to summon Ben so there would be more players for their game of musical chairs. Things went awry when he accidentally conjured a vengeful ghost instead, who refused to cooperate with the rules of the game. Instead of musical chairs the ghost went on its merry way blasting a plethora of holes through the Hargreeves’ mansion walls before getting sealed back in its rightful dimension once more. 

“I suppose. Perhaps she’ll take an interest in quantum physics?” he chirped. “You’re never too young to learn about the wonders of abstract equations.”

A laugh rang from Allison. “Just play with her! It will be fine. It always is in the end after all,” she smiled, tenderly patting her brother on the back. “If anything goes wrong you can just call me.”

“Right.”

She exited the room, leaving Five alone with his thoughts. 

  
  


—————-

“What am I going to do Dolores?” Five hummed quietly, holding the mannequin tightly in his arms. “Everything about me is repugnant! I am a cold-blooded killer—How could I possibly be child-friendly even for an evening?”

The boy was curled up in his bed for the night, unable to focus on the book he was reading. It was one of his favourites too! The cover read: “ _ A Glimpse into Einstein’s Theory: The Fifth Revision.”  _ Five had read this copy of the book from cover to cover on countless occasions, however somehow the very idea of carrying out the simple task of watching a little shit for a few hours was making it difficult for him to focus on what he loved. 

_ “What else can you do? You don’t even know what kind of a girl Claire is yet. Perhaps she’s the kind of girl who sits in front of the tube all day watching mindless cartoons? Or maybe she will want your full attention the whole time, driving you up the wall the entire evening doing nothing but whining and yelling at you to eat crayons with her.” _

“Thanks for that,” Five muttered, bitterly. “That’s precisely the problem. She’s going to want my attention and I don’t know how to properly give it to her. Then she’ll see how detached I am from everyone and everything. She’s expecting so much of me and will see what kind of an ass really I am and I can’t bear to think that my only niece will despise me for it. I don’t know if I’m ready for this.” He threw his book onto his night stand with an exasperated sigh. “At least the others had time to develop some semblance of a personality! Klaus would make a better parent than me and that says a lot.”

_ “You shouldn’t be so hard on yourself, kid. Spending your formative years in dead isolation isn’t ideal, sure. Maybe you were a ruthless killer. A ticking time bomb that can detonate at any given moment, but now I see a man who is healing from it everyday. You know, now that you’re with your family again, you don’t drink as much anymore. And you certainly are better at controlling your rage and fine impulses. Remember how proud everyone was when you didn’t attack the Denny’s waitress last week? That earned you free dessert from Diego. And remember when Vanya accidentally spilled coffee on your book, soiling the pages completely? You didn’t snap at her and spiral into a fit of rage. The point is, being with your family makes you better, and being with Claire will be no different, obviously. As cliche as it may be, all you need to do is be yourself and everything will turn out just fine. It always does.” _

Five let out a soft grunt, satisfied with Dolores’ advice, but still felt a weight in his chest. Inside he knew the severity of his sharpness, which was something his family could handle by now. After all, they were grown adults who were each stunted in their own unique ways from varying childhood trauma. But Claire is a toddler, who wouldn't be able to understand all that quite yet. She wouldn’t be able to understand why he wouldn’t want to return a hug. She wouldn’t understand why he couldn’t find it in himself to muster laughter whenever she tried to tell him the corny jokes she learned at school.

Dolores was correct in a sense that his family made him a better person, but there absolutely was no way he had completely shed his tendency to snap viciously at others. There was always a chance that one thing could go wrong and all hell would break loose—he was a ticking time bomb just as Dolores said. She had seen the worst of it in the apocalypse, after all. There was something deeply sickening to him that the only memories she would have of her dear uncle Five could potentially be bad or borderline traumatizing. 

“No. No I don’t think I can do it,” Five said hoarsely “I’m definitely not ready—“

_ “I think you’re overthinking this whole thing, Five—“ _

“NO I’M NOT!“ the boy exploded in frustration, his words far louder and harsher than he had intended, but they just kept pouring out of him. “You never listen to me! Maybe if you would just  _ listen _ to me for once, maybe you’d get it!”

Dolores said nothing.

Five’s heart pounded in his ears and chest, his breathing ragged from his little outburst. He sat for a moment, dwelling on his abrupt behaviour waiting for the calm to overtake him. Bringing his wife close to him, he gently planted his lips on top of Dolores’ cold, plastic, head. He was about to lose it. 

“Five?” a small voice said just outside his bedroom. “I hear noises. Is everything alright?”

He peered up through a dark tangled mess of hair that rested on his forehead. It was Vanya—and It was obvious she was about to leave the academy for the night. 

Five sighed, running his shaky fingers through his locks. She was the last person he would be expecting to see. 

“Oh. It’s you. I was just uh—“ 

“Can’t sleep?”

Five buried his face in his hands. 

“That’s not even half of it. I’m so stressed I think that my hair is starting to fall out again!”

His sister shot him a concerned, yet sympathetic look, shuffling to the foot of his bed. She was prepared to listen to his qualms, just as she did when they were kids. 

“What’s up? Is there anything I can do to help you?” she said, planting herself down by his feet. 

Five collected his thoughts for a moment, still holding onto Dolores for dear life. He would have to apologize to her later for yelling at her. 

“What’s Claire like? I mean, what kind of a kid is she? You’re the family favourite so—so I thought you’d know what to do.” 

A faint smile curled at the corners of her mouth as if to say: “say no more!” She already knew precisely what this was all about because Allison told almost everyone at the dinner table about how difficult Five had been about babysitting her daughter hours prior. 

“Well,” Vanya started, undoing her scarf. “Claire is very bright. Quite inquisitive for a little girl, that’s for sure. She has so many questions—and I mean  _ a lot  _ of _ questions _ . She tends to ask fairly simple things that still have a lot of weight to them, you know? About things I can’t even find the answers for myself without looking inside one of dad’s encyclopedias. She’s very intelligent for her age.”

Five raised an eyebrow curiously, allowing his sister to continue. 

“She does tend to get a bit whiny here and there but most toddlers are. Overall she’s well-behaved, though. She really likes to do things with others so it means she’ll follow you around all evening, but it’s no big deal. She was hell bent on helping me unclog my sink the last time she stayed with me. Whatever you ask her to do with you she’ll be happy to do it, but she loves to paint the most—that’s why I always try to fit painting into our schedule. ”

The mental image of a toddler running around with a plunger twice her size gave Five a good chuckle. 

“Ah. Right. Your famous finger painting parties I heard about. I don’t have a knack for painting, sadly,” He sighed. “Or for anything artistic for that matter. Maybe she’d let me bore into her with a lecture on Einstein’s theory.”

Vanya snickered at the idea of her brother lecturing a child like a university professor. “You could try Five, but that’s even enough to make graduate students fall asleep.”  Five jabbed his sister’s side with his foot, causing her to laugh harder. 

“The point is? You will absolutely be able to relate to her in your own way. Just be yourself!” 

Five rolled his eyes. “You know, Dolores said that to me earlier as well but I had a hard time believing that.” 

“Well, Dolores is very smart,” said Vanya, winking at the mannequin. “Did I at least help put you at ease at all?” She asked sweetly, like a mother comforting a child.

“No,” Said Five, bluntly. “But It was kind of you to drop by, nonetheless. I really appreciate it.”

“I think you should get some sleep now. You should probably be well rested for tomorrow if you want to keep up with Claire.” Vanya advised. “She’s also a bit hyperactive at times.”

“Perhaps. I suppose everything will be fine in the grand scheme of things.” he chirped, tucking Dolores into the space beside him. “Good night, Vanya.”

Vanya mouthed a good night, and as quickly as she arrived, she was gone. It seemed as if their nightly talks were starting to become shorter and less frequent as time progressed. 

Five mumbled an attempt at a short apology to Dolores who was still giving him the silent treatment. After multiple tries to get her to forgive him he eventually gave up, but promised they’d deal with it in the morning. He shut off the lights and rolled over, face hardened with worry—he had been given all the advice that he could possibly receive and the only thing he could do now was sleep. He had a long day ahead of him, after all. 

  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> hey yall this going to be a couple chapters long. maybe more. hope u all enjoy it :D


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